grateful this morning.
And hoping for a good outcome when one job ends and the next temporary contract starts! Nothing is secure, that is the big issue, but I am grateful for the fact that people are thinking of me and trying to accommodate my needs in the best way they can. I wish, still, that things were different and I could find the security I so desperately need, but I am Encouraged by this latest development and I am praying this year will lead to a Enduring change in circumstances.
There is the most Enormous storm raging outside! It kept me awake most of the night, when I was not tossing and turning through too much thinking, and the rain is still coming down like stair rods. I need to go to the shops and will have to brave it, though I doubt anyone here will dare get on their bikes!!! Far too dangerous I would say.
We heard that the Dutch Queen Beatrix will hand over the Crown to her son on 30th April this year.
We heard that our Queen Elizabeth will attend a service on June 4th to celebrate 60 years since her coronation. There is a most interesting article on this in The Daily Mail online this morning. I am glad that it supports both these traditions and does not seek to criticize or commend one or the other. Both work well for their respective people and countries. Viva la difference!!
Stay safe if out in this awful weather and mind the ducks!!
Sue xx
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Monday, 28 January 2013
Extract..
in honour of our nation's favourite authoress, Miss Jane Austen, whose book Pride & Prejudice was published 200 years ago today:
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
Oh, how I do love this Cinderella Story!! The film and series which have been made are all great in their own right, but the book is definitely worth reading again and again.
It is my personal favourite book - y'know, when someone asks you what your favorite book is, or your favourite song, or colour, or place; the whole top 10 of getting to know someone's interests!!
What is your favourite
colour:
food:
song:
artist:
place:
country:
book:
CD:
film;
poem:
See how many of mine you think you know!!!!
Sue xx
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
Oh, how I do love this Cinderella Story!! The film and series which have been made are all great in their own right, but the book is definitely worth reading again and again.
It is my personal favourite book - y'know, when someone asks you what your favorite book is, or your favourite song, or colour, or place; the whole top 10 of getting to know someone's interests!!
What is your favourite
colour:
food:
song:
artist:
place:
country:
book:
CD:
film;
poem:
See how many of mine you think you know!!!!
Sue xx
End of the month
January is fast drawing to a close and my month, February fast approaching. I like February! It is shorter than all the other months which brings March and Spring here that little bit quicker. It has Valentines Day, birthdays and only four little weeks. After the dull drag of January which following Christmas always seems to be long and unexciting, February is a bright and cheerful month for me.
We are on E. This weekend I was Exhausted by a chest infection (probably) or just the change in weather affecting my Asthma. I was unable to sleep well last night and definitely did not want to wake up on time this morning! I have taken it EASY and am now up and fuzzily functioning again!! It is a lovely, very cold, sunny day. It rained all Sunday and then froze hard overnight so we had slippery roads etc, and I am Exceedingly glad that I can stay home today.
I have now finished both of my Christmas books and am pleased I chose to read them. I have now read a couple of books by Jo Jo Moyes, and I quite like her style. This one, "The Girl I Left Behind" was a good read. I did want to cry once, which is a good sign for me, and I Enjoyed the two strands to the same story. With my birthday fast approaching I am looking at new books..............despite the bookshelves groaning under the weight of too many, I really do feel I need more. I bought two removal boxes in Action last week - I did say I was going to start boxing up things didn't I?! Precious cargo, books. They need strong boxes. And careful packing and selection. I must be Explicit about which ones I cannot bear to part with. I must Explain why they are necessary and why more bookshelves are required. There, now you know!
Sue xx
We are on E. This weekend I was Exhausted by a chest infection (probably) or just the change in weather affecting my Asthma. I was unable to sleep well last night and definitely did not want to wake up on time this morning! I have taken it EASY and am now up and fuzzily functioning again!! It is a lovely, very cold, sunny day. It rained all Sunday and then froze hard overnight so we had slippery roads etc, and I am Exceedingly glad that I can stay home today.
I have now finished both of my Christmas books and am pleased I chose to read them. I have now read a couple of books by Jo Jo Moyes, and I quite like her style. This one, "The Girl I Left Behind" was a good read. I did want to cry once, which is a good sign for me, and I Enjoyed the two strands to the same story. With my birthday fast approaching I am looking at new books..............despite the bookshelves groaning under the weight of too many, I really do feel I need more. I bought two removal boxes in Action last week - I did say I was going to start boxing up things didn't I?! Precious cargo, books. They need strong boxes. And careful packing and selection. I must be Explicit about which ones I cannot bear to part with. I must Explain why they are necessary and why more bookshelves are required. There, now you know!
Sue xx
Friday, 25 January 2013
Saturday!
It's weekend and I am ready for my R & R this week.
I am incredibly lazy during weekends (I think). I EMBRACE the idea that there are two days for rest and relaxation, and I have some regular little habits that have EVOLVED over last year. Perhaps it stems from the fact that I am usually alone at the weekends now the boy has grown up, got a girlfriend, has his own things to do? Perhaps it is because I need space for myself right now, with no demands being made on my time outside of the Monday to Friday working week. It's not that I do nothing at all!!
No sir-ree, I do, indeed I do, but I have created little spaces in the in-between times which I really do enjoy.
So, I was up early this morning sitting here at the computer writing my thoughts down for the coming weeks supervision session. As I lay there in the dark I was thinking how sensible it would be to get it all down in type before I lost my train of thought and what ever it later became it would never be as good or as clear as it was right there and then! So I did. It's now only 7.30am but I am moving onto the next pleasure of the day - thinking what to cook for my friend and I when she comes to dinner this evening! I did some shopping yesterday but I am re-visiting the menu and want to see what else I can make with the ingredients already in the fridge! I tend to shop early as I hate the crush of too many people and lengthy queues and no parking spaces. Plus by 11.00am I need to be sitting coffee in hand in front of the telly watching Saturday Kitchen! It is my sit down and relax time every Saturday if I am home alone. I share it with other foodies but no-one else. After that finishes I will zoom into action around the downstairs with hoover and duster and cloth and set the washing machine on!
ENJOY your weekend!!
EAT great food.
EXPERIMENT in the kitchen.
ENTERTAIN your family and friends.
EXPLORE the neighborhood . . . .whatever it is that you decide to do today and tomorrow, have a great weekend!!
Sue xx
I am incredibly lazy during weekends (I think). I EMBRACE the idea that there are two days for rest and relaxation, and I have some regular little habits that have EVOLVED over last year. Perhaps it stems from the fact that I am usually alone at the weekends now the boy has grown up, got a girlfriend, has his own things to do? Perhaps it is because I need space for myself right now, with no demands being made on my time outside of the Monday to Friday working week. It's not that I do nothing at all!!
No sir-ree, I do, indeed I do, but I have created little spaces in the in-between times which I really do enjoy.
So, I was up early this morning sitting here at the computer writing my thoughts down for the coming weeks supervision session. As I lay there in the dark I was thinking how sensible it would be to get it all down in type before I lost my train of thought and what ever it later became it would never be as good or as clear as it was right there and then! So I did. It's now only 7.30am but I am moving onto the next pleasure of the day - thinking what to cook for my friend and I when she comes to dinner this evening! I did some shopping yesterday but I am re-visiting the menu and want to see what else I can make with the ingredients already in the fridge! I tend to shop early as I hate the crush of too many people and lengthy queues and no parking spaces. Plus by 11.00am I need to be sitting coffee in hand in front of the telly watching Saturday Kitchen! It is my sit down and relax time every Saturday if I am home alone. I share it with other foodies but no-one else. After that finishes I will zoom into action around the downstairs with hoover and duster and cloth and set the washing machine on!
ENJOY your weekend!!
EAT great food.
EXPERIMENT in the kitchen.
ENTERTAIN your family and friends.
EXPLORE the neighborhood . . . .whatever it is that you decide to do today and tomorrow, have a great weekend!!
Sue xx
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
D DAY
Its gonna be all the D's in a row today!!!
Discussion
Decision
Defend
Defeat
Disclose
Deny
Determine
.....and many more! But then I think I need to move on to the next letter in my alphabetically blogging; E.
Is it friendlier I wonder?
Does it have a softer edge to it?
Will it be warm and tender?
I Expect so.
Sue xx
Discussion
Decision
Defend
Defeat
Disclose
Deny
Determine
.....and many more! But then I think I need to move on to the next letter in my alphabetically blogging; E.
Is it friendlier I wonder?
Does it have a softer edge to it?
Will it be warm and tender?
I Expect so.
Sue xx
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Disappointed
..but trying to accept things are the way they are going to be regarding work in the immediate future.
How do people manage to do the wholehearted mindfulness thing and stay focused on one day at a time?! Darned if I know! Yet I do see the beauty of only being concerned with the coming few hours until bedtime and never thinking about tomorrow...especially when 'tomorrow might never come'....
and yet I cannot help myself going further. I Dream such a lot and mostly about rehearsing situations or problems that I know I need to Deal with but am afraid to. Or because I don't like conflict so say what I have to say in my deepest dream states and rid myself of the fear by doing so. Try it! You get to say all the mean and nasty things you are thinking without actually hurting anybody's feelings. You get to have that argument with your best friend without ever upsetting them. You get to shout and rage and scream without uttering one single sound. You get to practice giving bad news or saying goodbye without seeing how that affects the other person. But does it really give the satisfaction or truthfulness we are seeking? Is it fair play? Do you feel relief or not?
What it never does, is permit you to see how someone else feels when they are privy to your emotions. You are only dealing with one half of the issue and totally neglecting the other 50%. And you will walk away never knowing the real outcome - the surprise or the pleasure; the sadness or the pain; the shared relief and excitement; the connection you can make with another person whoever they may be.
So, time to man up, step up to the plate and get on with it!!!! Where did I put those big girl panties?.....
Sue xx
How do people manage to do the wholehearted mindfulness thing and stay focused on one day at a time?! Darned if I know! Yet I do see the beauty of only being concerned with the coming few hours until bedtime and never thinking about tomorrow...especially when 'tomorrow might never come'....
and yet I cannot help myself going further. I Dream such a lot and mostly about rehearsing situations or problems that I know I need to Deal with but am afraid to. Or because I don't like conflict so say what I have to say in my deepest dream states and rid myself of the fear by doing so. Try it! You get to say all the mean and nasty things you are thinking without actually hurting anybody's feelings. You get to have that argument with your best friend without ever upsetting them. You get to shout and rage and scream without uttering one single sound. You get to practice giving bad news or saying goodbye without seeing how that affects the other person. But does it really give the satisfaction or truthfulness we are seeking? Is it fair play? Do you feel relief or not?
What it never does, is permit you to see how someone else feels when they are privy to your emotions. You are only dealing with one half of the issue and totally neglecting the other 50%. And you will walk away never knowing the real outcome - the surprise or the pleasure; the sadness or the pain; the shared relief and excitement; the connection you can make with another person whoever they may be.
So, time to man up, step up to the plate and get on with it!!!! Where did I put those big girl panties?.....
Sue xx
Monday, 21 January 2013
Dentist.. also a D!!!
It has snowed here and I was not too keen to set off in the dark for the dentist this morning but the boy was scheduled to have a tooth out and a filling, so it had to be done! No bus or train at that hour due to snow and problems on the rails etc. and too far for him to cycle (he said) so I braved it.
We managed well all things considered though we did slip and slide around rather on the corners and at roundabouts, traffic lights - anywhere we had to stop or change direction!
The wisdom tooth was out in a jiffy and the filling done too so we were very quickly back on our way home.
It is blow-snow - making drifts because it is so light and powdery. It is still falling. I have another appointment this afternoon so have no choice but to either risk the car again or risk cycling there.....Dilemma!!!
I really don't know which is best - though protecting my darling Sooty (the car) from damage is the no. one priority. Me, I'd bounce I daresay! The roads in the village are not that clean and it is side roads all the way there so I know it will be dirty and messy - hate that! What to do?..
Funnily enough my diary which is the Mind, Body & Spirit Book of Days 2013 talks about an Hour of Magic on this weeks diary page today:
" Every so often it is good to start your morning an hour early and find a way of using that extra hour in purely pleasurable experiences - even, in winter, before sunrise."
I doubt they were thinking about shovelling snow which is what I was doing this morning!!!!!
Stay safe if you are out in our winter wonderland, whether on the roads or the cycle paths or anywhere else. And wrap up warm!!
Sue xx
We managed well all things considered though we did slip and slide around rather on the corners and at roundabouts, traffic lights - anywhere we had to stop or change direction!
The wisdom tooth was out in a jiffy and the filling done too so we were very quickly back on our way home.
It is blow-snow - making drifts because it is so light and powdery. It is still falling. I have another appointment this afternoon so have no choice but to either risk the car again or risk cycling there.....Dilemma!!!
I really don't know which is best - though protecting my darling Sooty (the car) from damage is the no. one priority. Me, I'd bounce I daresay! The roads in the village are not that clean and it is side roads all the way there so I know it will be dirty and messy - hate that! What to do?..
Funnily enough my diary which is the Mind, Body & Spirit Book of Days 2013 talks about an Hour of Magic on this weeks diary page today:
" Every so often it is good to start your morning an hour early and find a way of using that extra hour in purely pleasurable experiences - even, in winter, before sunrise."
I doubt they were thinking about shovelling snow which is what I was doing this morning!!!!!
Stay safe if you are out in our winter wonderland, whether on the roads or the cycle paths or anywhere else. And wrap up warm!!
Sue xx
Sunday, 20 January 2013
Weeks review
What a week! My emotions do feel like they paid for a ticket on the Rollercoaster but failed to get off after one ride!! Up and down, round and round, and I only have myself to blame.
I am a quiet fumer. I fume in quiet. I acquiesce. I sideline myself. I do anything I can to avoid potential conflicts, and I am DETERMINED to get over it!!
It is hardly surprising to know that my birth sign is that of Pisces. I display all the traits - and then some!!!
I love to compromise when ever it is possible; my two fish swimming in opposite directions, never bumping into one another just swimming happily on by. Some folk will tell you we are not good at making Decisions. That we are Ditherers. That we Debate an issue far too long for our own good. That we like to Deliberate a topic without Decisively making the all important decision in the end. Could be true I suppose? Though I am not sure!!! ( and there you have it; me wanting to please everybody over myself).
So on the scale of 'how did I do this week?' ...not very well. Could do better. C+. I've been agitated, disappointed, annoyed, downright furious at times. I've been surprised, let down, quiet, a little assertive once, sad, peaceful....and so much more. But have I actually told anyone what is really on my mind? Have I shared my thoughts truthfully and assertively and with conviction? Probably not that well. But I have been taking lessons!!! Ha! That shocked you! Not lessons in the sense of being taught in the classical way, but on the QT, and by observation. So prepare yourselves for some new habits - which is what my Daily Greatness Journal advocates - daily - and a new me who says what she thinks and is prepared to deal with the fallout without a hint of an emotional meltdown!!!!
p.s. if I don't write anything this week.....it went wrong!
Sue xx
I am a quiet fumer. I fume in quiet. I acquiesce. I sideline myself. I do anything I can to avoid potential conflicts, and I am DETERMINED to get over it!!
It is hardly surprising to know that my birth sign is that of Pisces. I display all the traits - and then some!!!
I love to compromise when ever it is possible; my two fish swimming in opposite directions, never bumping into one another just swimming happily on by. Some folk will tell you we are not good at making Decisions. That we are Ditherers. That we Debate an issue far too long for our own good. That we like to Deliberate a topic without Decisively making the all important decision in the end. Could be true I suppose? Though I am not sure!!! ( and there you have it; me wanting to please everybody over myself).
So on the scale of 'how did I do this week?' ...not very well. Could do better. C+. I've been agitated, disappointed, annoyed, downright furious at times. I've been surprised, let down, quiet, a little assertive once, sad, peaceful....and so much more. But have I actually told anyone what is really on my mind? Have I shared my thoughts truthfully and assertively and with conviction? Probably not that well. But I have been taking lessons!!! Ha! That shocked you! Not lessons in the sense of being taught in the classical way, but on the QT, and by observation. So prepare yourselves for some new habits - which is what my Daily Greatness Journal advocates - daily - and a new me who says what she thinks and is prepared to deal with the fallout without a hint of an emotional meltdown!!!!
p.s. if I don't write anything this week.....it went wrong!
Sue xx
Saturday, 19 January 2013
Down-sizing
Ouch! The thought I am having is in association with my book and craft collection, and it is painful to say the least. Especially as I dream of having a library room one day......
I do not (yet) own an e-reader. I do not have a library pass. I do spend an inordinate amount of time rifling through the book section on Amazon.co.uk. I love to own books and I am passionate about each and every one of them. I find it incredibly difficult to imagine losing a few - I imagine gaining more bookshelves instead! I still to this day remember once having to sell a whole load of paperbacks to raise some cash when I was strapped and Becci was quite young. They along with my bike went to good homes I'm sure, but twenty odd years later I still retain a little pain from doing it.
I don't read them all, I simply like living in the knowledge they are around in case I should want to read one again. I might one day want to make a Jane Asher children's birthday cake or a Thomas the Tank Engine embroidery or a Kaffe Fassett cardigan!!! I could need the advice in a Laura Ashley Home Furnishings Book for a roman blind, or how to do mosaic on a garden table top. Why am I wanting to down-size? Because I am afraid they cannot all stay with me indefinitely and I ought to leave some behind or take them to a jumble sale and that all those boxes of books weigh a ton!!!
I am going to start with the magazines I have on Scrapbooking!!! I have made that resolution this year and plan to take them to the sale in April. They are in Dutch, mostly, so I think people will love them as much as I have learnt from them. I don't need them any more. I know enough to continue with my hobby without them, so ok, I can do that deal. Children's books are taboo. They are never thrown out!!! I think I spent more time picking out books for my children than any other toy or gift when they were small and I still buy them books to this day. Only now they are classics, or on baking or cake-making, vintage tea parties, or home decor or trilogies like Lord of the Rings. Tim is not a keen reader but he does like a good trilogy. Becci and I are book-a-maniacs and will read most things. Lately mine have been to do with counselling and coaching and life -learning skills, with the odd randomly wanted book like ROD at Christmas. Becci is happy to haunt all the charity shops to add to her collection, as would I if there were any here selling English books!! So me and Amazon are best friends. How many will I part with? Don't know. Have to make a logical and not an emotional choice once the weather is warmer and I can spend the necessary hours going through them in the attic. Too cold, right, to do it now? Not enough new boxes to pack them in either. Too much in front of the stacks to get to them easily as well. Apparently this is known in some quarters as "Serpentining" ( from Daring Greatly).
This zig zagging around an issue and not facing it squarely on. Dancing around the problem, making excuses, putting the moment off etc. Delaying the inevitable. Detouring. Diverting from a course. I know, I know. But I will have to do it, and not only with the books, so this is me mapping out my intention to down-size this year. Said it; put it out there; can't go back now.
Think I need to sit and read a while.......
Sue xx
I do not (yet) own an e-reader. I do not have a library pass. I do spend an inordinate amount of time rifling through the book section on Amazon.co.uk. I love to own books and I am passionate about each and every one of them. I find it incredibly difficult to imagine losing a few - I imagine gaining more bookshelves instead! I still to this day remember once having to sell a whole load of paperbacks to raise some cash when I was strapped and Becci was quite young. They along with my bike went to good homes I'm sure, but twenty odd years later I still retain a little pain from doing it.
I don't read them all, I simply like living in the knowledge they are around in case I should want to read one again. I might one day want to make a Jane Asher children's birthday cake or a Thomas the Tank Engine embroidery or a Kaffe Fassett cardigan!!! I could need the advice in a Laura Ashley Home Furnishings Book for a roman blind, or how to do mosaic on a garden table top. Why am I wanting to down-size? Because I am afraid they cannot all stay with me indefinitely and I ought to leave some behind or take them to a jumble sale and that all those boxes of books weigh a ton!!!
I am going to start with the magazines I have on Scrapbooking!!! I have made that resolution this year and plan to take them to the sale in April. They are in Dutch, mostly, so I think people will love them as much as I have learnt from them. I don't need them any more. I know enough to continue with my hobby without them, so ok, I can do that deal. Children's books are taboo. They are never thrown out!!! I think I spent more time picking out books for my children than any other toy or gift when they were small and I still buy them books to this day. Only now they are classics, or on baking or cake-making, vintage tea parties, or home decor or trilogies like Lord of the Rings. Tim is not a keen reader but he does like a good trilogy. Becci and I are book-a-maniacs and will read most things. Lately mine have been to do with counselling and coaching and life -learning skills, with the odd randomly wanted book like ROD at Christmas. Becci is happy to haunt all the charity shops to add to her collection, as would I if there were any here selling English books!! So me and Amazon are best friends. How many will I part with? Don't know. Have to make a logical and not an emotional choice once the weather is warmer and I can spend the necessary hours going through them in the attic. Too cold, right, to do it now? Not enough new boxes to pack them in either. Too much in front of the stacks to get to them easily as well. Apparently this is known in some quarters as "Serpentining" ( from Daring Greatly).
This zig zagging around an issue and not facing it squarely on. Dancing around the problem, making excuses, putting the moment off etc. Delaying the inevitable. Detouring. Diverting from a course. I know, I know. But I will have to do it, and not only with the books, so this is me mapping out my intention to down-size this year. Said it; put it out there; can't go back now.
Think I need to sit and read a while.......
Sue xx
Wednesday, 16 January 2013
D proving Difficult
We use many words beginning with D don't we? They are used for emphasis in many ways as the D is quite a harsh sound:
Don't!
Do!
Deny
Destruct
Destroy
Doubt.........which is the one I am stuck with this morning. Not in a good mood really. I am sitting here trying to wheedle out what it is that has precisely undone me this cold and wintry morning. It is important not to lay the blame anywhere external to myself, I realise that, but oh, how I want to!!! I want to stamp my feet and cry 'you are just like the rest'! and I want to feel upset and unhappy (really)?
No, not really, but it is almost an involuntary reaction that forms the chain link in a defensive move that occurs before one even realises it.
Searching into the dark recesses of my amazing brain-maze, I understand that it has to do with self-doubt. I was prodded with the stick and my Pavlovian reaction was swift. Ouch! You touched a raw nerve! Ouch! You made me feel like I know nothing! Ouch! That is how others make me feel too! Ouch! I want to retreat from you all! All part of the past year and what I want to change in 2013. I need to have more self-confidence, I need to think NVC and hold the conversation in my mind that I need to have with myself:- 'It's my defensiveness, not your attack'.
I know that.
I'm walking back towards calm.
Sue xx
Don't!
Do!
Deny
Destruct
Destroy
Doubt.........which is the one I am stuck with this morning. Not in a good mood really. I am sitting here trying to wheedle out what it is that has precisely undone me this cold and wintry morning. It is important not to lay the blame anywhere external to myself, I realise that, but oh, how I want to!!! I want to stamp my feet and cry 'you are just like the rest'! and I want to feel upset and unhappy (really)?
No, not really, but it is almost an involuntary reaction that forms the chain link in a defensive move that occurs before one even realises it.
Searching into the dark recesses of my amazing brain-maze, I understand that it has to do with self-doubt. I was prodded with the stick and my Pavlovian reaction was swift. Ouch! You touched a raw nerve! Ouch! You made me feel like I know nothing! Ouch! That is how others make me feel too! Ouch! I want to retreat from you all! All part of the past year and what I want to change in 2013. I need to have more self-confidence, I need to think NVC and hold the conversation in my mind that I need to have with myself:- 'It's my defensiveness, not your attack'.
I know that.
I'm walking back towards calm.
Sue xx
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
Dream
|
Daring Greatly
This week it's D so no problem writing about the book more than once!
I am getting to the half way point and notice that quite a few things are repeated from her previous books. It's fine when you have not read anything else by Brene, but I was sort of hoping for something new....so it is with interest that I will begin chapter 4: The Vulnerability Armory. Interesting because I have already talked a little about it myself!
She writes:
" As children we found ways to protect ourselves from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished, and disappointed. We put on armor; we used our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours as weapons; and we learned how to make ourselves scarce, even to disappear. Now as adults we realise that to live with courage, purpose, and connection - to be the person we long to be - we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen".
Our son has an interview today. It snowed overnight. He has to cycle 11,8k to get there. Along country roads. My response? I've been watching the sky for signs of more snow. I've been outside and cleared the paths so the shed door and the back gate will open for him. I have looked at the map to establish the route he needs to take. I have worried.
What has he said?
"So long as it has stopped by 3pm it's fine".
If he gets the job he will have to cycle that route every day at all hours of the night and day, and I will not be there to help him out. I need to let him do it his way. I need to allow him the space to solve his own problems. I need to push him out of the nest and watch him learn to fly. He will bounce!!
Letting go of our children and feeling confident that everything we have taught them will keep them safe makes me feel vulnerable. I'm a mother. I am used to mothering. I know how to be mother to a child. I learnt how to do it through making mistakes and getting it wrong, and getting it right too. I've been doing it for so long now I don't know how to stop. But I have to. He wants to fly. He wants to prove himself but his wings are not fully grown, and he is still maturing. A friend said to me that she thought children were grown up by age 25. I don't really believe there is a set age for everyone. I think some are ready sooner and some later. Same as potty training! Some children are dry long before others are but no-one wears nappies for ever!!! We all get there in the end. And so will he. It is okay for us to feel vulnerable. It's okay for him to get on his bike and cycle in the snow. He is stronger than I know.
Which leads me nicely into a little quote:
"Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think". (Christopher Robin).
Dare greatly today and every day.
Sue xx
I am getting to the half way point and notice that quite a few things are repeated from her previous books. It's fine when you have not read anything else by Brene, but I was sort of hoping for something new....so it is with interest that I will begin chapter 4: The Vulnerability Armory. Interesting because I have already talked a little about it myself!
She writes:
" As children we found ways to protect ourselves from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished, and disappointed. We put on armor; we used our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours as weapons; and we learned how to make ourselves scarce, even to disappear. Now as adults we realise that to live with courage, purpose, and connection - to be the person we long to be - we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen".
Our son has an interview today. It snowed overnight. He has to cycle 11,8k to get there. Along country roads. My response? I've been watching the sky for signs of more snow. I've been outside and cleared the paths so the shed door and the back gate will open for him. I have looked at the map to establish the route he needs to take. I have worried.
What has he said?
"So long as it has stopped by 3pm it's fine".
If he gets the job he will have to cycle that route every day at all hours of the night and day, and I will not be there to help him out. I need to let him do it his way. I need to allow him the space to solve his own problems. I need to push him out of the nest and watch him learn to fly. He will bounce!!
Letting go of our children and feeling confident that everything we have taught them will keep them safe makes me feel vulnerable. I'm a mother. I am used to mothering. I know how to be mother to a child. I learnt how to do it through making mistakes and getting it wrong, and getting it right too. I've been doing it for so long now I don't know how to stop. But I have to. He wants to fly. He wants to prove himself but his wings are not fully grown, and he is still maturing. A friend said to me that she thought children were grown up by age 25. I don't really believe there is a set age for everyone. I think some are ready sooner and some later. Same as potty training! Some children are dry long before others are but no-one wears nappies for ever!!! We all get there in the end. And so will he. It is okay for us to feel vulnerable. It's okay for him to get on his bike and cycle in the snow. He is stronger than I know.
Which leads me nicely into a little quote:
"Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think". (Christopher Robin).
Dare greatly today and every day.
Sue xx
Sunday, 13 January 2013
Shivering
from top to toe right now as the heating takes its time getting up to temperature in my snuggery!! I never want to waste the electricity in our house so turn on and off when using or not using a room, but boy, do I wish I had done it before wanting to sit here and write!!
I was reading my book in the warmth of the living room. Then just reading wasn't enough. I wanted to write, talk, share, deal.
I am ready to embrace D. I can think of several words beginning with D but they are best summed up in one word: D is for Daring.
Do you remember that old pepsi cola advert involving a lengthy segment of rhyming words? "lip smacking, cool tasting, motivating" etc? Sometimes the English language reminds me of it since from being at school I was always required to not repeat the same word twice in a sentence when describing something. It worked brilliantly for expanding my vocabulary and it has remained a habit ever since.
(just thought I would throw that one in)! Possibly where my love for words was born.....
So D: what can I say about D? Where is Dick Dastardly when one needs him?!
How do I intend to dare today?
I am daring to write in a public arena for a start. I am daring to share private thoughts, experiences and emotions with unseen critics and I am daring to do it for several reasons.
People often ask why do you write a blog? Why did you keep a diary? What do you get out of it?
I guess I do it because it is a process of salvation and healing that I learnt from a very young age when I was unable to talk to people about my feelings or share my agonies with someone. I am a great bottler-upper. I can keep something so quiet and private that it eats my very innards up. I can stand huge amounts of emotional pain and worry without ever needing to share it - if I can write it down somewhere instead.
ca·thar·sis
I was reading my book in the warmth of the living room. Then just reading wasn't enough. I wanted to write, talk, share, deal.
I am ready to embrace D. I can think of several words beginning with D but they are best summed up in one word: D is for Daring.
Do you remember that old pepsi cola advert involving a lengthy segment of rhyming words? "lip smacking, cool tasting, motivating" etc? Sometimes the English language reminds me of it since from being at school I was always required to not repeat the same word twice in a sentence when describing something. It worked brilliantly for expanding my vocabulary and it has remained a habit ever since.
(just thought I would throw that one in)! Possibly where my love for words was born.....
So D: what can I say about D? Where is Dick Dastardly when one needs him?!
How do I intend to dare today?
I am daring to write in a public arena for a start. I am daring to share private thoughts, experiences and emotions with unseen critics and I am daring to do it for several reasons.
People often ask why do you write a blog? Why did you keep a diary? What do you get out of it?
I guess I do it because it is a process of salvation and healing that I learnt from a very young age when I was unable to talk to people about my feelings or share my agonies with someone. I am a great bottler-upper. I can keep something so quiet and private that it eats my very innards up. I can stand huge amounts of emotional pain and worry without ever needing to share it - if I can write it down somewhere instead.
ca·thar·sis
/kəˈTHärsis/
Noun
|
Friday, 11 January 2013
Weekend
It's noticeably colder isn't it? There were a few snow-like -not- quite- flakes falling in front of the headlights as I drove home yesterday but it didn't amount to anything yet. We've gone up a degree on the old heating though!!! Wow, We've hit 18.5C now!!! There is only heating on in the rooms that we are using, and the cats definitely come off the best! Extra pullies on, and warm mugs of coffee or tea....not resorted to the blanket over me on the settee though...still time for that. Prefer a Cuddle though!
I am enjoying C. It's difficult thinking about moving onto D.
I want to add Connection to my list of lovely C's because I have started reading my "Daring Greatly" book by Brene Brown (wonderful) and in the first chapter she talks about how we are all connected.
(cue: 'Circle of life' song by Elton John). How essential that is too. I need to read more over the weekend, but since I have my own personal C in Catalyst, then it is promising reading! I do love her work, and her research is profound in the arena of Shame and Vulnerability. Her Ted Talks are viewed millions of times over on Youtube, and I just 'connect' with her on these at a deep level.
I read another book yesterday. No sense not admitting I am rather a speed reader than a diligent, every word sort of reader, but I can skim through a book at the rate of knots when I want to! It was entitled "I am a highly sensitive person". So I am. Taking the test at the start was a doddle because I already knew the outcome, but it was the affirmation of some of my traits that I found interesting. Like why I wake up early and am most definitely at my best in the morning and my worst in the evenings. Like why I love to just think about thinking! My absolute connection (sticking with the theme here) with music and words and all art forms, and how moved I can be when everyone else is just breathing normally and not noticing the sobbing mass in the corner!
I have never really viewed my temperament as a problem, but it transpires that society in general does. Ok, I know my friends have to cope with my ultra-sensitivity and emotional high-wire act at times, but it also brings with it a deeply intuitive nature that has served me, and them, well over the years.
My best friend and I were talking about it yesterday. I said ' do you realise I am highly sensitive'? 'Of course', he replied; 'it's just you'. Acceptance is all that is required in the end. And understanding. And patience. And a lot of handkerchiefs!!
During the early hours of this morning when I was lying in bed wide awake, thinking as usual, I came to realise that there has been a shift in how I feel when I am in the team office since a couple of colleagues recently left. I feel lighter, and happier, and not overwhelmed with the sense of unhappiness and negativity that was there before Christmas. It's gone, been lifted from my shoulders, and I know I am responding in a healthier and freer way than I did before. It was as if their unhappiness was seeping into my body and searching for somewhere to rest or hide, or just be. I am so sensitive to atmospheres, and I just simply know when something is going on, or not right, or even wonderful. My connection to their emotions was impacting on my own, and whereas I have empathy and understanding for them, I am at the same time relieved it has passed.
I think I will choose Compassionate for today's C. Though I feel a D hovering above me, the C will do.
"That'll do, pig; that'll do". (bit of a film quoter I guess, too!)
Sue xx
I am enjoying C. It's difficult thinking about moving onto D.
I want to add Connection to my list of lovely C's because I have started reading my "Daring Greatly" book by Brene Brown (wonderful) and in the first chapter she talks about how we are all connected.
(cue: 'Circle of life' song by Elton John). How essential that is too. I need to read more over the weekend, but since I have my own personal C in Catalyst, then it is promising reading! I do love her work, and her research is profound in the arena of Shame and Vulnerability. Her Ted Talks are viewed millions of times over on Youtube, and I just 'connect' with her on these at a deep level.
I read another book yesterday. No sense not admitting I am rather a speed reader than a diligent, every word sort of reader, but I can skim through a book at the rate of knots when I want to! It was entitled "I am a highly sensitive person". So I am. Taking the test at the start was a doddle because I already knew the outcome, but it was the affirmation of some of my traits that I found interesting. Like why I wake up early and am most definitely at my best in the morning and my worst in the evenings. Like why I love to just think about thinking! My absolute connection (sticking with the theme here) with music and words and all art forms, and how moved I can be when everyone else is just breathing normally and not noticing the sobbing mass in the corner!
I have never really viewed my temperament as a problem, but it transpires that society in general does. Ok, I know my friends have to cope with my ultra-sensitivity and emotional high-wire act at times, but it also brings with it a deeply intuitive nature that has served me, and them, well over the years.
My best friend and I were talking about it yesterday. I said ' do you realise I am highly sensitive'? 'Of course', he replied; 'it's just you'. Acceptance is all that is required in the end. And understanding. And patience. And a lot of handkerchiefs!!
During the early hours of this morning when I was lying in bed wide awake, thinking as usual, I came to realise that there has been a shift in how I feel when I am in the team office since a couple of colleagues recently left. I feel lighter, and happier, and not overwhelmed with the sense of unhappiness and negativity that was there before Christmas. It's gone, been lifted from my shoulders, and I know I am responding in a healthier and freer way than I did before. It was as if their unhappiness was seeping into my body and searching for somewhere to rest or hide, or just be. I am so sensitive to atmospheres, and I just simply know when something is going on, or not right, or even wonderful. My connection to their emotions was impacting on my own, and whereas I have empathy and understanding for them, I am at the same time relieved it has passed.
I think I will choose Compassionate for today's C. Though I feel a D hovering above me, the C will do.
"That'll do, pig; that'll do". (bit of a film quoter I guess, too!)
Sue xx
Thursday, 10 January 2013
IF...by Rudyard Kipliing.
IF.....
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
Sometimes I read this poem for comfort.
Sometimes for courage.
Sometimes just because it is so wise.
It is easy to slide into negativity when things don't go the way we hope. Or when you feel under pressure from events spiraling out of your control, or you just need to make a decision. The 'when one door closes another one opens' attitude is difficult to maintain at those moments and I had one of those yesterday. I had applied for yet another job just before Christmas and had all but given up hope of hearing anything back...but yesterday the envelope with 'no thank you' did drop through the letterbox, as expected. I know there are many, many candidates for every single job there is, and I know it is not personal - they don't even know me - but it feels personal. A personal slight on one's experience, knowledge, person. A rejection. Another one.
So I got this poem out, dusted it off, and read it this morning.
Just to remind myself that Courage starts with a C.
That I just have to ' go to the mattresses'!!!!
And because how ever disappointed I may be, there will be someone even more disappointed, and I wish to have empathy with that, and hope that the next time they go after a job, they will get it. And it will be an even better one that this!!! Success to Everyone who needs to find work today!!
Sue xx
Wednesday, 9 January 2013
Calm
C remains the letter of alphabetical and emotional choice today. But I am going for a new word:
CALM.
Feeling calm - being calm - staying calm - oozing as much charm ( no, CALM!) as I possibly can!
I have perfected the art of portraying a calm and quiet exterior whilst hiding utter turmoil on the inside, over the years. Age helps doesn't it? Being older and theoretically wiser, does make a difference to the way one reacts to situations in my humble opinion.
So, that still small voice of CALM needs to guide my actions today. I need to find my neutral gear, my non-judgemental me, and get 'My big girl's panties on and deal with it'! (a very good book too)!
I wish you all the calm you can muster!
Sue xx
CALM.
Feeling calm - being calm - staying calm - oozing as much charm ( no, CALM!) as I possibly can!
I have perfected the art of portraying a calm and quiet exterior whilst hiding utter turmoil on the inside, over the years. Age helps doesn't it? Being older and theoretically wiser, does make a difference to the way one reacts to situations in my humble opinion.
So, that still small voice of CALM needs to guide my actions today. I need to find my neutral gear, my non-judgemental me, and get 'My big girl's panties on and deal with it'! (a very good book too)!
I wish you all the calm you can muster!
Sue xx
Tuesday, 8 January 2013
40 inspirational speeches in 2 minutes.
Good morning!
Are you in need of inspiration? I thought about that last night, and decided if I remembered it this morning I would google 'inspirational speeches', to chivvy us all up on such a grey and damp day.
I found this! Someone had made a montage of all the famous speeches in history and Shakespeare,
and glued them together and voila:
"Shame on you. This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you’re going to let it be the worst. And I guarantee a week won’t go by in your life you won’t regret walking out, letting them get the best of you. Well, I’m not going home. We’ve come too far! And I’m going to stay right here and fight for this lost cause. A day may come when the courage of men fails… but it is not THIS day. The line must be drawn HERE. This far, no further! I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. You’re going to work harder than you ever worked before. But that’s fine, we’ll just get tougher with it! If a person grits his teeth and shows real determination, failure is not an option. That’s how winning is done! Believe me when I say we can break this army here, and win just one for the Gipper. But I say to you what every warrior has known since the beginning of time: you’ve got to get mad. I mean plum mad dog mean. If you would be free men, then you must fight to fulfill that promise! Let us cut out their living guts one inch at a time, and they will know what we can do! Let no man forget how menacing we are. We are lions! You’re like a big bear, man! This is YOUR time! Seize the day, never surrender, victory or death… that’s the Chicago Way! Who’s with me? Clap! Clap! Don’t let Tink die! Clap! Alright! Let’s fly! And gentlemen in England now abed shall know my name is the Lord when I tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our Independence Day"!
So, be inspired! Let your fancies free. Dream the big dream. Make your wishes known - only then can they come true.
Sue xx
Monday, 7 January 2013
Stuck on C (not U)
Challenging, that is what life is right now!
Things are not going well for our son, and by definition, things are not going well for us too.
How do parents separate themselves, back off, leave them alone, give them space etc. when all you want to do is help them?
I have an amazing daughter who says ' it's hard, but leave him alone. I will talk to him at the weekend. Anything you say will make matters worse. Trust me.'
So my second C stands for Communication, and the third for Confidence.
I have to put my trust in her, and him, that they will continue to communicate with one another if not with us, and my confidence in her is 100% solid. It is his best hope. She is a brilliant older sister and she has wonderful ways of communicating with him that I, as mother, do not possess. He doesn't need me to be his friend - he needs me to parent him. And parenting is the hardest job in the whole, wide world.
Good luck with yours.
'C' - what a big letter that is turning out to be!!!
Sue xx
Things are not going well for our son, and by definition, things are not going well for us too.
How do parents separate themselves, back off, leave them alone, give them space etc. when all you want to do is help them?
I have an amazing daughter who says ' it's hard, but leave him alone. I will talk to him at the weekend. Anything you say will make matters worse. Trust me.'
So my second C stands for Communication, and the third for Confidence.
I have to put my trust in her, and him, that they will continue to communicate with one another if not with us, and my confidence in her is 100% solid. It is his best hope. She is a brilliant older sister and she has wonderful ways of communicating with him that I, as mother, do not possess. He doesn't need me to be his friend - he needs me to parent him. And parenting is the hardest job in the whole, wide world.
Good luck with yours.
'C' - what a big letter that is turning out to be!!!
Sue xx
New Week
Mondays are always nice and refreshing to wake up to don't you agree?! Sometimes I simply love having a pyjama Sunday safe in the knowledge that Monday requires dressing and presenting oneself to the outside world but Sundays don't!! However, my Sunday was spent chatting with friends and taking a turn around the village to brush away the cobwebs and give some colour to my cheeks. It is so NOT winter, isn't it?!! This morning it is dull and grey but it could be any day of the year really - the seasons are totally confused.
My weekly review is completed and I have started with the letter C in my head this morning.
C for Challenge
C for Courage
C for cheer
C for celebration. This one because this week several of my friends celebrate their birthdays. The majority of my personal friends seem to age in the first six months of the year with a glut in January; February and March. Mine included! It lessens during April, May and June, then proceeds sporadically through the rest of the year. Even my children obliged by being born in April and May, six years and two weeks apart from one another. They were destined to both arrive on 22 April in their respective years, but what with high blood pressure and changes in the antenatal care one was late and the other early! Just as well. But now they are entering their 20th and 26th years and me; well, I am that much older too!!
Sue xx
My weekly review is completed and I have started with the letter C in my head this morning.
C for Challenge
C for Courage
C for cheer
C for celebration. This one because this week several of my friends celebrate their birthdays. The majority of my personal friends seem to age in the first six months of the year with a glut in January; February and March. Mine included! It lessens during April, May and June, then proceeds sporadically through the rest of the year. Even my children obliged by being born in April and May, six years and two weeks apart from one another. They were destined to both arrive on 22 April in their respective years, but what with high blood pressure and changes in the antenatal care one was late and the other early! Just as well. But now they are entering their 20th and 26th years and me; well, I am that much older too!!
Sue xx
Sunday, 6 January 2013
42 life lessons. From a friend.
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 42 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short – enjoy it..
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it...
14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
20. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
22. The most important sex organ is the brain.
23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
25. Always choose life.
26. Forgive but don’t forget.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does..
31. Believe in miracles.
32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
34. Your children get only one childhood.
35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.
39. The best is yet to come...
40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
41. Yield.
42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .
Saturday, 5 January 2013
It's gonna be OKAY.
One week into the new year and I am holding fast to my resolutions - in one form or another!
Some have had surprises in store for me - but all positive, so I am still in a 'go get 'em' mood which is refreshing!!
Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering 'it will be happier'...
- Tennyson
We; happy to use the collective here; have a tendency to place obstacles in the path of progress and change that inhibit and restrict movement and growth. Machiavelli said it so much better than me but I have been doing that for some time too, and know that it is the equivalent of turning into an ostrich, slowly but surely!! Whereas we have lovely beaches here in the Netherlands, I am not sure I want to bury my head in all that white sand any time soon!!
I have also been genuinely wishing that the elephant in the room would just get up and walk out!!! But she didn't show any signs of doing that so I needed to address her and talk to her and 'bite the bullet' good and hard.....and see where that gets me. She is a bloomin' large elephant that's for sure!!!! In a tiny little room, and appearing to be growing daily. At the moment she is still living with me, but she is shrinking because I am not ignoring her any more. Wouldn't go so far as to say we can ever be friends, but hey, having an elephant around is a topic of conversation apparently! ( I am almost through reading "The 100 year old man who climbed out of a room and disappeared.") Read the book to note the significance of this - it is addictive reading!
Where was I? Oh, yes, its Sunday morning and I am supposed to reflect on the past week each Sunday according to my Daily Greatness Journal.
I am beginning to notice things about that that could work better so my plan to give feedback is added to the list of good things to get involved in this year.
My words this week have been: achieve; accept; align and brave.
I achieved something during my coaching at work - which in turn was about acceptance - and I am working on aligning work and life this year so that is ongoing. Yesterday I acted bravely too. I could so easily add foolishly; risky; gamble; doom; but instead I am going to choose to say I am acting bravely; courageously taking my own life in my hands.
"It's gonna be okay".
A mantra to reassure myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the creeping sense of impending disaster and the all-emcompassing fears both specified and vague that colonize my mind, body, and soul, all of which, from the completely farfetched to the sometimes probably, do me no good to contemplate and in fact make me miserable, and even though optimism may be un self-aware and ill- placed, I know I'll be happier as a blind fool than as a clairvoyant apocalyptic.
Enjoy your Sunday. I am considering scrapping off the wallpaper in order to work through my angst!!!
Let out some of that worry and fear before it does paralyse me again!!
Sue xx
Some have had surprises in store for me - but all positive, so I am still in a 'go get 'em' mood which is refreshing!!
Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering 'it will be happier'...
- Tennyson
We; happy to use the collective here; have a tendency to place obstacles in the path of progress and change that inhibit and restrict movement and growth. Machiavelli said it so much better than me but I have been doing that for some time too, and know that it is the equivalent of turning into an ostrich, slowly but surely!! Whereas we have lovely beaches here in the Netherlands, I am not sure I want to bury my head in all that white sand any time soon!!
I have also been genuinely wishing that the elephant in the room would just get up and walk out!!! But she didn't show any signs of doing that so I needed to address her and talk to her and 'bite the bullet' good and hard.....and see where that gets me. She is a bloomin' large elephant that's for sure!!!! In a tiny little room, and appearing to be growing daily. At the moment she is still living with me, but she is shrinking because I am not ignoring her any more. Wouldn't go so far as to say we can ever be friends, but hey, having an elephant around is a topic of conversation apparently! ( I am almost through reading "The 100 year old man who climbed out of a room and disappeared.") Read the book to note the significance of this - it is addictive reading!
Where was I? Oh, yes, its Sunday morning and I am supposed to reflect on the past week each Sunday according to my Daily Greatness Journal.
I am beginning to notice things about that that could work better so my plan to give feedback is added to the list of good things to get involved in this year.
My words this week have been: achieve; accept; align and brave.
I achieved something during my coaching at work - which in turn was about acceptance - and I am working on aligning work and life this year so that is ongoing. Yesterday I acted bravely too. I could so easily add foolishly; risky; gamble; doom; but instead I am going to choose to say I am acting bravely; courageously taking my own life in my hands.
"It's gonna be okay".
A mantra to reassure myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the creeping sense of impending disaster and the all-emcompassing fears both specified and vague that colonize my mind, body, and soul, all of which, from the completely farfetched to the sometimes probably, do me no good to contemplate and in fact make me miserable, and even though optimism may be un self-aware and ill- placed, I know I'll be happier as a blind fool than as a clairvoyant apocalyptic.
Enjoy your Sunday. I am considering scrapping off the wallpaper in order to work through my angst!!!
Let out some of that worry and fear before it does paralyse me again!!
Sue xx
Thursday, 3 January 2013
Review
So I was working towards positivity yesterday (as I do every day). I feel I succeeded to some extent but there is always room left over for improvement in any quest isn't there?!
"Learn to value yourself, which means: to work for your happiness". Ayn Rand.
I think that is where I am right now - working hard, fighting hard for my happiness. My current work is coming to an end soon and I have spent the last few months virtually paralysed with the fear of having no more security in my life. Losing one's income is terrifying, and there are so many people experiencing it during the economic crisis, I realize it can happen to me too. My wish yesterday was to find some acceptance of my life and where I am in it, and I did manage that in part.
I was standing by the printing machine outside our offices and one of the secretaries came along wearing the most beautiful purple outfit that just seemed to light her up! She looked lovely so I said so!
Our conversation moved to my cardigan which I have been attached to for roughly 20 years now - and I discovered she worked in a pure wool shop in Amsterdam at the weekends. We stood and discussed the beauties of wool for 15 minutes. Mixed in the conversation I learnt that she is a practising Buddhist and what that means in her life; why she had adopted all that it means to be a Buddhist, what it gives her back, and how it has transformed her from victim to victor. It was very uplifting and interesting and I learnt something new yesterday just by engaging in this wonderful conversation with an amazing lady. She's going to tell me where this wool shop is!!!! She told me that when she works in the shop she leaves at the end of the day feeling bright and gay and full of happy thoughts because of all the colour around her. She leaves the office feeling in neutral - it doesn't bring her the same feelings of wonder and joy. So my acceptance yesterday was that although this job may be ending, I have to be true to what I know brings me joy at work, and go after that again, step by step, but moving forwards positively.
It was a good lesson yesterday.
I am starting today at B - for BRAVE.
Try and do the same.
Sue xx
"Learn to value yourself, which means: to work for your happiness". Ayn Rand.
I think that is where I am right now - working hard, fighting hard for my happiness. My current work is coming to an end soon and I have spent the last few months virtually paralysed with the fear of having no more security in my life. Losing one's income is terrifying, and there are so many people experiencing it during the economic crisis, I realize it can happen to me too. My wish yesterday was to find some acceptance of my life and where I am in it, and I did manage that in part.
I was standing by the printing machine outside our offices and one of the secretaries came along wearing the most beautiful purple outfit that just seemed to light her up! She looked lovely so I said so!
Our conversation moved to my cardigan which I have been attached to for roughly 20 years now - and I discovered she worked in a pure wool shop in Amsterdam at the weekends. We stood and discussed the beauties of wool for 15 minutes. Mixed in the conversation I learnt that she is a practising Buddhist and what that means in her life; why she had adopted all that it means to be a Buddhist, what it gives her back, and how it has transformed her from victim to victor. It was very uplifting and interesting and I learnt something new yesterday just by engaging in this wonderful conversation with an amazing lady. She's going to tell me where this wool shop is!!!! She told me that when she works in the shop she leaves at the end of the day feeling bright and gay and full of happy thoughts because of all the colour around her. She leaves the office feeling in neutral - it doesn't bring her the same feelings of wonder and joy. So my acceptance yesterday was that although this job may be ending, I have to be true to what I know brings me joy at work, and go after that again, step by step, but moving forwards positively.
It was a good lesson yesterday.
I am starting today at B - for BRAVE.
Try and do the same.
Sue xx
Wednesday, 2 January 2013
Let's start at the very beginning
After all, it is a very good place to start. And yes, I too watched The Sound of Music for the umpteenth time this New Year!!!!
Alphabetically it means beginning with A.
So what words best describe where I am setting off on this journey to Z?
This morning they are not too positive:
Anxious
Ambivalent
Annoyed
Various reasons for this naturally, but my aim today is to change them into:
Achieve
Accept
Align.
When I get home let's see whether or not I have been successful!!!
Have a positive response to your world today.
Sue xx
Alphabetically it means beginning with A.
So what words best describe where I am setting off on this journey to Z?
This morning they are not too positive:
Anxious
Ambivalent
Annoyed
Various reasons for this naturally, but my aim today is to change them into:
Achieve
Accept
Align.
When I get home let's see whether or not I have been successful!!!
Have a positive response to your world today.
Sue xx
A new year, a new direction.
Welcome to 2013. I am hoping it brings a different theme tune to my life during the coming 365 days we have ahead of us!
2012 was pure struggle.
It resulted in my feeling exhausted, drained, debilitated, shattered . . .and many other words of defeat and dejection.
So I have decided to change course.
I have chosen my ONE LITTLE WORD for 2013 (do you do that too?).
It is PROSPER.
Prosper in all I think, feel, do, want, need, claim, action, demand, require, request, expect, earn, create.....well, I mentioned the title of this blog didn't I?!!!
So I am beginning positively, and since writing is my cathartic medium of choice a new blog seemed appropriate.
Please join me on my journey to prosperity. I have no idea (as yet) where it will take me or what shape I think it will take, but I have my Daily Greatness Journal to guide me, and as many quotes as you can stomach!!
I hope it will be funny, serious, intriguing, interesting, sad, happy, dramatic, involving, personal, and everything in between. Full of WORDS that mean something to me, and hopefully inspire you to do the same. Have fun.
Sue xx
2012 was pure struggle.
It resulted in my feeling exhausted, drained, debilitated, shattered . . .and many other words of defeat and dejection.
So I have decided to change course.
I have chosen my ONE LITTLE WORD for 2013 (do you do that too?).
It is PROSPER.
Prosper in all I think, feel, do, want, need, claim, action, demand, require, request, expect, earn, create.....well, I mentioned the title of this blog didn't I?!!!
So I am beginning positively, and since writing is my cathartic medium of choice a new blog seemed appropriate.
Please join me on my journey to prosperity. I have no idea (as yet) where it will take me or what shape I think it will take, but I have my Daily Greatness Journal to guide me, and as many quotes as you can stomach!!
I hope it will be funny, serious, intriguing, interesting, sad, happy, dramatic, involving, personal, and everything in between. Full of WORDS that mean something to me, and hopefully inspire you to do the same. Have fun.
Sue xx
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