Mindfulness...versus the chicken and the egg theory!

I know that living in the moment and taking care not to think

more than one day at a time is supposed to help.

Sometimes I can do it but lately it is the uncertainty of the future

that is causing me to think longer term.

And it is giving me sleepless nights.

I feel shattered and low and worn out really.

I lie awake during the night trying to figure out 

which is the right way to go, and all the pros and cons

associated with any decision I make.

Hardest of all is trying to decide what is right for ME

and not for anyone else.

No experience of it I suppose.

I always consider both sides of every story or situation

and try to find the best compromise possible

only this time there isn't one.

If I am to make a decision that I can act upon then I have 

to put me first, second and last.

Boy is that a proper headache!!!!

I am also a planner and I like to have things organised

and worked through so that I can see progress and make 

the steps I need to when I need to make them.

So we come to the chicken and the egg theory:

which comes first?

A job and then move or a move in order to get a job?

Being unemployed for 99% at the end of this month is giving rise

to the dilemma of staying here or going back to England.

That's it in a nutshell folks!!

Balancing the fact that my career is going nowhere here but is

salvageable back home;

Getting applications in successfully from abroad is difficult and 

expensive for interviews etc;

the urgent need to earn money!!!

A son here and a daughter back home;

Friends on both sides of the water!!

Love . . . .

Logistically I think it makes sense to move first, stay with 

someone for a while and go all out to find a job whilst in the country.

I can have that discussion soon.

Financially I need to be applying every day for jobs

if I am to claim unemployment benefit here for a few months.

And if I am determined I want to go home then that is a waste of time

both mine and any employers . . . . .

Caught between the proverbial Rock and a Hard Place I'd say!!

Hardly surprising I don't sleep is it?

Still, hoping that the solution will come to me soon.

Out of all the jobs I've applied for there is actually

just one that I really, really, really want.

It is perfect for me.

Too much to ask for?

Sue xx